


himitsu no yama (secret mountain)

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash, member whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-08
Updated: 2008-06-08
Packaged: 2019-02-05 05:18:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12787836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: What happens at camping stays at camping. It’s like Vegas.





	himitsu no yama (secret mountain)

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

“Oi, Nakamaru. If we went camping and you woke up with a sore ass, would you tell anyone?”

Maru eyed Junno, half exasperated and half impressed; Junno’s puns were getting better, if not just more perverted. “No,” he humored him. “I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Want to go camping?” Junno waggled his eyebrows suggestively, which looked a lot more comical than it should have given the topic.

Despite having known what was coming – Jin had already gone around using that joke several months ago on everyone who was stupid enough to fall for it, which was mostly Yamapi – Maru laughed like he meant it. “You’re funny, Taguchi.”

Junno flashed a grin, clearly happy that he was able to amuse Maru so much. “I try,” he said casually before bouncing across the practice room to Ueda, whom Maru supposed was about to get the same question.

“You have to admit, he’s getting better,” Koki’s voice startled him as he jogged up to assist Maru in his very important task of holding up the wall. “Soon he might actually say something hilarious.”

“I won’t hold my breath waiting for that day,” Maru said with a chuckle. “Come on, let’s work on our part of the performance.”

~*~*~*~

Ueda looked paler than usual when he returned from meeting with the executives; Maru’s eyes widened in concern and he stood closest to their leader, ready to catch him if he passed out.

“What is it?” said Junno worriedly. “Are they breaking us up?”

Ueda shook his head solemnly, as though he’d rather that be the case than what it really was.

“We’re doing another concert with NewS, aren’t we?” guessed Koki. “Or someone worse, like that new chibi group they put together. ‘Hey! Say! Jailbait’ or something.”

In response, Ueda plopped to the floor, landing Indian-style and raising his eyes sadly to his five bandmates who remained standing. “My worst nightmare has come true,” he said flatly.

“Gackt died?!” Jin exclaimed, dropping to his knees to clasp Ueda’s shoulder in what he probably thought was a comforting manner, but all he was doing was shaking him.

“No, but it’s on the same level,” Ueda said blankly; Maru stared in rapt attention, knowing this was serious business. “We’ve been asked to do this TV special where we all spend a weekend somewhere and our every move is recorded.”

“That’s not so bad!” Jin cried in relief. “Are we going somewhere with a beach?”

Ueda snorted. “Yeah, but it’s a long fall. They’re sending us up into the mountains with a camera.”

He was met with silence. “The mountains?” Kame repeated warily. “Like, _those_ mountains?” He pointed out the window to the mountains in the distance.

“The important question is,” said Koki dramatically, “are we having staff people come with us or do we get free reign of the filming?”

“I have a video about mountains on my computer,” said Junno. “We could Photoshop ourselves into it.”

Kame gave him The Eye. “We are not faking this. If Management wants us to frolic in the mountains for two days, frolic we will.”

“But it’s _cold_ in the mountains,” whined Jin, huddling close to Ueda like just thinking about it made him shiver. “I will freeze to death.”

Koki rolled his eyes. “Akanishi, you have the most body fat out of all of us combined. You’ll be the last one to freeze to death.”

“But the first one we eat,” said Junno brightly.

Everyone stared at him.

“I mean, you know, if we run out of food.” Junno nodded. “You eat the fattest first! Don’t look at me like that. I have mad survival skills.”

“I am not fat!” cried Jin.

“Look on the bright side,” Maru said cheerfully, kneeling to face Ueda and Jin. “Nobody from NewS or Kanjani8 will be there, and no senpais to be our chaperones. We don’t have to work for _two whole days_. And Taguchi can go hunt for our dinner since he has no remorse for a living thing’s life.”

“I claim Nakamaru as my tent-mate!” Ueda shouted. “Haha fuckers, I’m not getting offed in _my_ sleep.”

“I claim Koki!” Jin and Kame screamed at the same time. They glared at each other, then at Koki. “You pick.”

Koki’s eyes grew round. “Akanishi.”

“What the _shit_!” Kame yelled. “I am too young to die!”

“Don’t worry, Kame-chan,” said Jin, tugging on Kame’s sleeve until he sat down next to him. “If Junno tries to cook you up, I won’t eat you.”

“Thanks,” said Kame dryly.

“Fried turtle,” Junno joked, then folded his arms at the narrowed eyes. “What? It’s funny!”

“Not funny,” Kame said sadly.

“Definitely not funny,” added Ueda, reaching around Jin to pat Kame on the shoulder.

Koki stifled a laugh. “A little funny.”

“Yeah it is,” agreed Jin, who ducked and covered as both Kame and Ueda went to slap the back of his head.

They all looked at Maru. “Um,” said Maru. “I like pie.”

“Pie!” squealed Jin, instant perma-grin. “I _love_ pie. Let’s get some pie to take to the mountains!”

Kame flashed Maru a grateful look as the other four started arguing about what kind of pie to bring along on their trip. All the while, Maru couldn’t stop thinking about Junno’s joke earlier that week, and whether the six of them left to their own devices in the wilderness wouldn’t turn out to be a rather interesting endeavor indeed.

~*~*~*~

“OW!”

“Jesus H,” Ueda’s voice sounded from behind the camera. “We haven’t been here five minutes and already Akanishi has hurt himself.”

The picture swiveled to where Jin was halfway sticking out of a tangled mess of poles that Maru assumed was supposed to be his and Koki’s tent. Jin was glaring directly at the camera and attempted to fold his arms angrily, only to cause one of the poles to snap and cause the entire contraption – and him – to fall to the ground.

A cloud of smoke came into view, through which Koki appeared, surveyed the situation before him, and promptly doubled over into laughter.

“You could help, jerkass,” Jin spat, pushing the canvas out of his face to glare at Koki.

“I’ll help!” squealed Junno, racing to where Jin was twisted up and slowly pulling him out.

Junno and Kame’s tent was, of course, already put up and set up; the second owner lounged on a lawn chair leafing through a magazine, smirking slightly at Jin’s failed attempt.

“Are you good at _everything_?” Jin exclaimed in awe, regarding Junno as one might regard an angel. He watched Junno pitch their tent in record time and clapped happily when the final pole was snapped together. “Yay~ Junno-chan! Thank you so much.”

“No problem,” said Junno, dusting off his hands and turning towards the camera with a grin. “Would you like me to do your tent too, Ueda-kun?”

The camera went up and down as Ueda nodded, gesturing to where Maru was still studying the instructions, occasionally picking up a piece of tent and matching it to the picture.

“Hey, Tatchan!” Jin called out; the camera jerked to focus on him. “Are you going to film us all weekend? What about the hoards of fangirls who want to see your beautiful face?”

Ueda snorted. “I have no makeup on and my hair is flat. I’ll gladly film you guys looking all dirty, but not me.”

“Hey, I’m not dirty,” said Jin, flipping his hair for effect. “I’m just naturally perfect.”

He squeaked and ducked as Kame’s magazine whizzed by his ear. “Egotistical asshat -”

“Shut it!” Koki roared. “We are not fighting this weekend. Akanishi, shut the fuck up. Kame, shut the fuck up. Understood?”

“Got it,” Jin and Kame said together. Jin offered Kame his magazine back and Kame snatched it from him.

“Done!” Junno announced, standing proudly in front of the third tent he had erected.

Maru glanced up from the instructions and gaped at it being already there. “Thanks, Taguchi.”

“I’m hungry,” whined Jin.

“You’re always hungry,” muttered Kame.

“Actually, I’m hungry too,” said Junno shyly. “Isn’t it dinner time?”

“We should start a fire,” Koki suggested. “It’s going to get ass cold once the sun goes down.”

“How cold is ‘ass cold’?” Jin asked with a smirk.

With a matching expression, Koki grabbed an ice cube out of the cooler and shoved it down the back of Jin’s pants before Jin even realized what was happening. The other four laughed hysterically as Jin shrieked and ran around the campsite seven times before seeing it fit – for whatever reason – to stop-drop-and-roll like he was on fire.

“You got that, right?” Koki said to Ueda, who nodded with the camera and gave a silent thumbs-up.

“You know you have to share a tent with him, right?” said Kame smugly.

“At least he’s not going to _eat_ me,” Koki shot back, sticking out his tongue in an adult-like manner.

“Newsflash,” said Maru evenly, “our tents do not have locks on them. Anyone can creep into anyone else’s tent and eat them.”

“Hey, Akanishi!” Koki yelled. “You’re going to sleep by the door-flap-thinger because we’re on a hill and I don’t want your fat ass rolling on top of me while we sleep.”

“Whatever,” said Jin. “Just means I’m closer to the fire.”

Koki winked at Kame, who facepalmed and looked helplessly at Ueda, who shrugged with the camera.

Maru glanced at the worn-looking firepit. “I don’t suppose anyone wants to go look for wood.”

“I will!” Junno volunteered. “It should be really easy to spark a flame since the weather has been dry lately.”

Maru nodded like he knew what Junno was talking about. “Okay, since everyone else is being a lazy shit, I’ll go with you.”

“I’ll barbeque!” Jin shouted, half in spite and half offering. “That’s all we did in America.”

“Going to ‘In and Out’ every night does not count as barbequing,” Kame pointed out.

“No, seriously,” said Jin, leaning over the back of Kame’s chair far enough for his hair to reach Kame’s forehead. “I grilled a lot of meat in America,” he continued in a low, husky voice like he was saying something really sexy.

“Get out of my face,” Kame said flatly, flipping his page to read the latest article on Hiraoka Yuta while Jin rested his chin on Kame’s head and attempted to read along, which proved rather distracting for Kame considering Jin had to mouth out almost every kanji.

“U-e-da-kun,” Koki sang, poking his face into the camera. “Let me film for a little while.”

The camera shook from side to side as Ueda shook his head. “No. I am not presentable.”

“None of us are.” Koki grinned. “I plan on going the whole time without taking a shower.”

Jin groaned as Kame pointed and laughed at him. “We should have just shared a tent,” Jin mumbled, snaking his arms around Kame’s neck. “With each other,” he clarified.

Kame rolled his eyes and left Jin to his own devices, presumably too proud to admit that Jin was keeping him warm as the sun got lower and lower in the sky.

In the camera, Koki’s eyes got big and pleading. “ _Please_ , Ueda? I want to go scare Maru and Junno. Camping trips aren’t fun unless someone gets the shit scared out of them.”

“Ooh, ooh!” Jin exclaimed, bouncing on the back of Kame’s chair hard enough to rock his entire body. “Let’s tell ghost stories tonight! I brought a flashlight!”

“I promise not to film you,” Koki said sweetly, giving the camera his best smile that made all the fangirls swoon.

“Okay,” Ueda reluctantly agreed. “But I’m turning it off for good measure. You can turn it on when you get away from here.”

“Deal,” Koki replied as the picture went black.

~*~*~*~

It wasn’t that Maru was scared, exactly, he was just clutching onto Junno’s arm because they were really good friends. Really. Despite the fact that Junno was about as intimidating as a four-year-old girl and would probably use Maru as a human shield should they come across anything that growls.

Even Junno’s spontaneous laughter did nothing to ease Maru’s mind. “You know what we’re doing, Nakamaru-kun? We’re going to get wood. You know, like -”

“No, I get it,” Maru assured him, faking a laugh for good measure. Not only had Taguchi’s puns gotten worse, now they were borderline sexual harassment. It was days like these when he wondered why _he_ had to be in the N in KAT-TUN instead of Nishikido.

Their shitty flashlight was in danger of going out, and of course they didn’t have any spare batteries with them. They couldn’t have gone very far, just into the forest where there was bound to be wood because hey, there were a lot of trees.

Maru squeezed Junno’s arm particularly hard when there was a crunching sound to the side, and Junno swung the flashlight over just in time for it to die.

They both screamed and fell to the ground, huddling together and shaking uncontrollably because they’re in the middle of a forest and there was no one around to act tough for. Maru hadn’t been this close to anyone in a long while; even the last girl he’d slept with hadn’t held him this tightly, enough to suffocate but strangely comforting.

“We’re going to die!” Junno squealed, pressing his face into Maru’s neck. “I’m too young to die!”

“Shut up, Taguchi,” the voice of reason said, and Maru belatedly realized that it was coming from _him_. “We’re not going to die. We’re going to wait a minute until our eyes get used to the dark and turn around, going back the way we came until we find the others. Okay?”

Junno was clutching at his back, half hysterical as he slowly raised his head and set his jaw. “Okay. I will be strong.”

“Think untasty thoughts, just in case something wants to eat us,” Maru added.

“I think we’d be the least tasty out of everyone,” Junno commented.

Maru agreed wholeheartedly. Maybe whatever wanted to eat them would follow them back to the camp and eat Jin instead.

Junno made no effort to let him go, and Maru knew why. Even after what felt like an hour but was probably only five minutes, Maru still couldn’t see a goddamned thing. Lucky for them, he thought sarcastically, it was a new moon. They were going to be stuck here all night unless they wanted to walk blindly and aimlessly.

There was a howling in the distance, and Maru thought he’d break in half with the way Junno was squeezing him. The closeness plus his fear were beginning to invoke a reaction in him that he couldn’t believe, and he tried his best to keep it from Junno except that they were practically molded together.

“So,” Junno said conversationally, seeming a lot happier with the knowledge of Maru’s condition. “It’s a little known fact that animals in the wild respect other animals who are mating. And definitely not eat them.”

“Is that right,” Maru said dryly. He didn’t think Junno was telling the truth at all, but on the sheer chance that he was, he wasn’t about to argue with the natural order of things. Particularly when Junno’s hand had lowered to his thigh and his lips were ghosting his neck.

He felt himself being lowered to the ground, crunching something that he didn’t want to know about and probably getting all kinds of bugs in his hair as Junno crawled on top of him and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I can’t see,” Junno whispered, giggling. “Help me out here.”

Maru slid his hands up Junno’s torso until they rested on the back of his head, pushing him down and tilting his own head to fit as their lips met. It wasn’t a bad kiss, all things considered, even if Junno was a little overenthusiastic and clearly wasn’t familiar with tongue etiquette. However, he was also moving against Maru in a way that felt kind of weird but also kind of good, and it wasn’t like they had anything better to do.

~*~*~*~

Koki felt like the shark in Jaws, and it took most of his self-control to keep from making the noises as he heard rustling ahead and turned off his flashlight to creep up on his friends and totally scare the shit out of them. It was hard to balance the camera on his shoulder and be sneaky at the same time, but it’s not like anyone could see anything once the light was gone.

He stepped on something that made a loud crack and froze, holding his breath to see if he’d been heard.

“What was that?” Maru’s voice gasped, sounding a little strained.

“What?” Junno replied distractedly. “I didn’t hear anything.”

Koki giggled to himself as he tiptoed closer, ready with the camera and the flashlight to make his move. He was just about to flip the switch when Maru let out the loudest, raunchiest moan he’d ever heard, which startled him so much that he dropped everything in his hands and almost fell over.

“Mm, you like that, don’t you?” Junno said in a tone that made Koki want to bleach his ears.

Maru’s wasn’t much better. “Fuck, Taguchi, you’re good at this.”

“Want to know what else I’m good at?”

Before he could endure anymore trauma, Koki clapped his hands to his ears and let out something close to a yodel as he fell to his knees in search of the flashlight so he could get the fuck out of there.

“The hell?” Maru snapped, sounding very irritated and maybe a little amused. “Who is that?”

“Are you going to eat us?” Junno called out, wincing when he received some sort of smack from Maru.

“Oh, my god,” Koki whined. “The nightmares.”

Maru burst into laughter. “I should have known it was Koki.”

“In that case,” Junno said, and Maru squealed as he presumably picked up where he’d left off.

Maru moaned again, this time slapping the ground around him with his hand. “Koki, where are you?”

“Oh, hell no,” Koki grumbled. “I’m not being a part of this.”

“Fine, suit yourself,” Junno scoffed. “You can get eaten then.”

“I-I don’t want to be eaten,” Koki said in a small voice.

“Well you know,” Junno went on, doing something that turned Maru’s noises soft and hurried. “Wild animals are very respectful of those who are mating and most certainly do not eat them.”

“Yeah,” Maru agreed, but whether he was agreeing to Junno’s words or actions was debatable.

Koki sighed. “Fuck it,” he said, reluctantly crawling the last couple feet towards the most unlikely pairing in his group and preparing to be the third.

He kicked the flashlight with his foot on the way, but he paid no attention.

~*~*~*~

To their credit, Kame, Jin, and Ueda seemed to be knowledgeable on the unspoken rules of camping and didn’t so much as make a comment when the other three returned _hours_ later, completely covered in random forest debris and carrying absolutely no wood.

Then again, they were completely shitfaced and probably thought only ten minutes had gone by.

“Look!” Jin exclaimed, pointing right in Kame’s face at the perfect little campfire they’d managed to start. “Fire!”

Kame did what any human being would do when there’s a finger in his face: bite it.

As Jin shrieked, Ueda sat far away with his bottle of whiskey cradled in his arms like it was his baby, paying no mind to Jin and Kame and their childish ways.

“Is Uebo drunk?” Koki asked in amusement, leaning down to get a better look.

Ueda hiccupped in response.

“Fearless leader,” Jin commented, laughing hysterically as he plopped on the ground and stayed there, making himself comfortable by leaning back between Kame’s legs. “Food?”

Maru helpfully pointed back towards the forest. “Your turn.”

“We have a cooler, dumbass,” Kame muttered, holding Jin’s head up with his hand not because he was nice but probably because he didn’t want it in his crotch.

Junno tore into the cooler and started making sandwiches for everybody. Maru smiled and started to head towards his tent to change, particularly his pants, until he heard an uncharacteristic whine from Ueda and turned around to see him glaring at Koki.

“No, you cannot have any of my alcohol.” Hic! “I will only share with Nakamaru.”

“Haha,” Maru said automatically, deciding that his pants could wait and jogging over to where Ueda was shaking the bottle at him teasingly. “Ueda-kun likes me the best.”

“I have some condoms if you need them,” Jin offered.

“You brought condoms on a camping trip with five guys?” Koki said incredulously.

“You never know,” Jin said casually. “There could be some freaky Amazon bitches living in the forest who want nothing more than to let me tap that wild -”

“Food!” Junno declared, passing out the sandwiches and cracking open a cold one for himself. “This is fun, isn’t it? The six of us together, out in the wild, drinking and -”

“Shut up, Taguchi,” Koki mumbled through his mouthful.

“Don’t fill up too much,” Jin hissed at Junno. “Leave some room to eat Kame later.”

Kame rolled his eyes and pulled on Jin’s hair just because it was there. Jin made a noise akin to a mouse and leaned back, settling his head in Kame’s lap and grinning up at him like Kame wanted to see his food mid-chew.

“And a majority of the female population thinks _this_ is sexy,” Kame mumbled, gesturing to Jin’s being as a whole. “I’ll never understand women.”

Meanwhile, Maru was helping Ueda make the whiskey bottle less heavy while watching Jin and Kame like they were a TV show.

“Brats,” Ueda slurred, passing the bottle back to Maru. “They’re your kids tonight.”

“We should film something,” Maru replied, looking around. “But not us being drunk.”

“Definitely not that,” Ueda said quietly, the words barely out of his mouth before his eyes closed and his head fell back.

“Uebo’s out first!” Koki declared. “What should we do to him?”

“Nothing,” Maru said firmly, glaring at all of them in turn. “Akanishi-kun, will you help me carry him to the tent?”

“Okay!” Jin screeched excitedly, jumping to his feet and hoisting Ueda over his shoulder like he was weightless.

Inside the tent, Maru quickly set up Ueda’s sleeping bag for Jin to deposit him in, placing him closest to the exit in case he was sick when he woke up. Maru figured he should set his own up while he was there, yawning widely and pulling his shirt over his head as the warmth from the liquor started to get to him.

He lay back on the sleeping bag, figuring he could take a little nap while the others told scary stories – not really his thing – until he noticed that Jin hadn’t left.

“What?” Maru asked a little irritably, feeling a chill at the way Jin’s eyes moved up and down his bare chest.

In response, Jin pulled the flap of the tent as far closed as he could manage without zipping it and crawled towards Maru.

“You’re trashed,” Maru commented, making no effort to stop him.

“And you’re hot,” Jin whispered, hovering over Maru before casting a sideglance at the sleeping Ueda. “You think he’s really out?”

“Do you care either way?” Maru asked, raising his hands to rest on Jin’s hips.

Jin chuckled in a way that really was sexy, particularly when done in Maru’s ear. “Not really.”

Outside the tent, Kame was about to turn the camera back on until he heard dubious noises coming from Maru and Ueda’s tent. Upon noticing that Jin was entirely not there, Kame rolled his eyes and returned the camera to its case, wondering if they would get a chance to film this weekend at _all_.

~*~*~*~

“My _eyes_ ,” groaned Ueda, scrambling out of the tent like he couldn’t move fast enough.

“Good morning, Tatchan!” Junno greeted him loudly and entirely too perkily, but he was frying something that smelled really good so Ueda easily forgave him.

Koki was the next to rise. “Jin!” he screamed, poking his head out of the tent and glaring at Junno. “Where’s Jin? What did you do with him?”

Junno blinked and flipped the meat in the pan.

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE COOKING JIN!” Koki tumbled out of the tent, freaking out because he wasn’t really awake and kind of hungover. “I didn’t mean it when I said he should be eaten first, I really didn’t! _JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN_!”

“ _What_ ,” grumbled a voice from behind Ueda, and Jin’s sleepy face and amazing bed hair joined Ueda’s. “Don’t say my name like that this early in the morning.”

Koki raced across the way and flung his arms around Jin’s neck, sending all three of them falling back into the tent and eliciting a yelp from Maru as they landed on him.

Kame lounged in his chair by the fire, angling the camera and chuckling to himself. “I don’t know who to call a slut first.”

“I have nothing to do with this,” Ueda muttered, detangling himself from the mass of limbs and rolling out of the tent.

Junno offered sausage and Ueda accepted gratefully.

Koki was still clinging to Jin when they made their way out, but Jin didn’t seem to mind with the way he was petting Koki’s head and smiling stupidly. Plus, there was food to be considered.

Maru trudged out ten minutes later, managing to find pants that belonged to him but unable to keep his eyes fully open as he joined the others and chowed down.

“So what are we going to do today?” Junno asked, taking a seat on the bench next to Ueda. “Hiking? Swimming?”

“Fuck you,” Jin spat. “I don’t want to move.”

“I second that,” said Maru, stretching his strained back.

“We have to do _something_ ,” Kame spoke up, zooming in on everyone’s makeup-free faces as payback for every time they made fun of him in the past. “We can’t have a whole bunch of footage of us sitting around being lazy.”

“I guess swimming would be okay,” Koki gave in. “The water will probably be really cold, though.”

“ _Some_ people could use a bath,” Ueda said pointedly.

Inwardly, Maru agreed. “Swimming it is,” he declared. “Last person to get to the lake has to jump in first.”

~*~*~*~

“Bonzai!” Junno shrieked, running off of a large rock and splashing in the calm lake water.

The other five watched from the shoreline as Junno broke the surface and shook the water out of his hair. “It’s surprisingly not very cold!”

“I don’t believe him,” said Koki.

Jin and Maru nodded at each other, snuck up behind Koki, and pushed him in. In the last second, Koki grabbed onto Maru, who grabbed onto Jin, and all three of them fell in together.

Ueda sat with his feet in the water and the camera on his shoulder, getting it all on tape while Kame floated in the distance with his eyes closed, basking in the sun that barely seemed to warm the chilly day.

“We’re all going to catch pneumonia,” Maru grumbled, swimming away from the loud splashing and joining Kame on the far side of the lake. “You look dead,” he observed.

Kame’s bluish lips smiled up at him. “It’s cold.”

Across the way, Jin was washing himself with a bar of soap, careless to how Neanderthal he looked. He threw the bar at Koki’s head when he was done and Koki took the hint, singing something operatic at the top of his lungs that made both Junno and Jin dunk him.

Kame and Maru floated peacefully until Kame’s head bumped into Maru’s shoulder, but instead of pushing away Kame shifted like Maru was his pillow, sighing contently as his cheek made contact with Maru’s skin. “Nakamaru is warm.”

Maru chuckled, giving up on his floating in favor of treading water behind Kame, leaving Kame’s head on his shoulder and sliding his arms down Kame’s to smooth out the goosebumps.

Kame shivered and turned his head, burying his face into Maru’s neck where Maru could feel him smiling as he warmed up. They’d floated into a cove-like area where they couldn’t see the others anymore, but there was a large, flat rock that was close enough for Maru to pull Kame up on and let the sun dry them off.

Kame automatically rolled towards Maru and embraced him, his shivering ceasing as he acquired Maru’s body heat. “I don’t think I got very clean.”

Maru wrinkled his nose at the lake water smell from both of them, but underneath it all Kame’s cologne remained and it was tolerable. He felt a chill from the remaining water drops on his back and jerked, inadvertently pulling Kame closer and exhaling harshly into his wet hair.

Wordlessly, Kame shifted and moved his face until he was pressing his lips to Maru’s, kissing him slowly and flicking his tongue between Maru’s thick lips to get them to open. Maru grunted and let him in, tugging at Kame’s back until the latter was on top of him and moving against him, gasping into his mouth at the way their bodies quickly overcame the cold.

As they warmed up considerably, Ueda regretted coming to look for them and swam towards the others, muttering that Maru and Kame could find their own damn way back to the campsite.

~*~*~*~

The sun was setting and the fire was going strong as the six of them gathered around, bundled in layers of clothing and chattering as their wet hair finally started to dry.

“This is boring,” Jin commented, aiming the camera at the fire for lack of a better place. “Let’s drink.”

“Not on the camera,” Ueda scolded. “We need to have _something_ wholesome to show the fans.”

“Wholesome,” Kame snorted. “Somehow that seems like it would be disappointing to _our_ fans.”

“I’ll drink to that,” said Koki, heading for the beer cooler.

Ueda rolled his eyes and saw it fit not to argue; after the day he had, he could use a cold one himself.

Jin waited until everyone had a can before popping his cap and declaring, “I’ve never slept with a foreign girl.”

As he took a drink, Koki immediately caught on and did the same – either that or he just wanted to take a drink – and Kame looked bewildered. “What was that for?”

“It’s a game,” Jin explained. “It’s called ‘I Never,’ and the object is to say something you _have_ done while wording it as a lie, and everyone else who has done it too has to take a drink. Then the person who made the statement picks one of the others who drank and they go next.”

“What’s the point?” asked Kame skeptically.

“To get drunk fast,” Jin said simply. “Go, Koki.”

Koki stroked his chin as he thought up a lie. “I’ve never had my tongue pierced.”

Jin took a drink and looked around with the camera as nobody else did. “You guys suck at this game,” he said. “I guess it’s my go again. I’ve never gotten _head_ from someone with a pierced tongue.”

Junno and Maru drank simultaneously. Koki grinned proudly.

“Nakamaru,” Jin called.

Frowning, Maru couldn’t think of anything particularly racy that he wanted to admit to. “I’ve never made out with a member of NewS.”

Four others took a drink, but Kame tilted his head in thought. “Eight-member or six-member?”

“Eight,” Maru clarified.

Kame drank.

“Do I drink more than once if there was more than one?” Koki asked.

“Sure,” said Jin, taking four more drinks just to be fair. “Nakamaru, pick someone.”

“Kame,” said Maru.

The camera zoomed in on Kame’s face. “I’ve never talked shit about a bandmate behind their back.”

Everyone except Junno drank.

“You all are a bunch of two-faced bitches,” Ueda mumbled.

“Including you,” Jin pointed out.

“I pick Ueda,” said Kame.

Ueda traced the rim of his beer. “I’ve never kept a secret from my best friend.”

Jin, Kame, Koki, and Junno all drank along with Ueda, and all five of them glared at Maru behind their cans.

“What?” Maru asked.

“You don’t have any secrets,” Kame said disbelievingly.

“Not that I need to keep from my best friend,” Maru replied.

“Who’s your best friend, anyway?” Koki asked, raising an eyebrow.

Maru smiled. “Masuda.”

Koki frowned. “I see how you are.”

“Masuda-kun knows _all_ of your dirty little secrets?” Jin pressed.

“Only the ones he wants to know,” Maru admitted. “But I’d tell him if he asked about the rest.”

Nobody looked happy about that answer. “Koki,” Ueda picked.

Koki stared hard at Maru. “I’ve never fooled around with Nakamaru.”

Everyone except Ueda drank, even Maru himself.

Jin burst out laughing. “Yuichi, you whore.”

“Oh, shall we do you next?” Maru countered.

“Shit.” Jin reached back towards the cooler. “We’re going to need more beer.”

“I’m out,” said Ueda, holding his empty can upside-down for emphasis. “Goodnight, assholes.”

The others watched uneasily as Ueda stalked towards the tent and zipped himself inside.

“Looks like you’re sleeping on the bench,” Koki muttered, trying not to laugh.

Maru forced a smile. “I’m out too.” He crumpled up his can and tossed it at Koki’s head. “Thanks, dick.”

Koki had the audacity to grin.

They went back to the game as Maru carefully approached the tent, but he wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying. Slowly he started to unzip the flap, waiting for Ueda to growl a warning or some similar sign that declared ‘danger’, but he was greeted with nothing but silence and Ueda’s even breathing. Ueda was already asleep.

By the campfire, as he admitted to wearing a dress on special occasions, Jin wondered if he could toss the film into the flames and make Management think they’d forgotten to put it in.

~*~*~*~

Maru had just settled into his sleeping bag when there was a grumble across the tent.

“Is it my turn now?” Ueda asked sarcastically.

Maru hoped that Ueda couldn’t see his eyeroll in the dark. “Don’t be like that.”

“Why.” There was a shuffling noise, and Ueda’s silhouette blocked the flames dancing on the other side of the tent. “I got to witness all the others. I went to edit the tape yesterday and heard your little wood excursion with Koki and Taguchi. I was laying _right here_ for the Jinru show last night, and I had taken it upon myself to go look for you and Kame this afternoon because I was actually worried.”

“I don’t need a lecture,” Maru said quietly. “We’re camping. Drinking, relaxing. Shit happens.”

“Shit happens,” Ueda repeated. “You’re unbelievable.”

Maru rolled over to face him, squinting to see Ueda’s features that appeared more hurt than angry. “Why don’t you tell me the real reason you’re upset.”

“You sound like you already know,” Ueda muttered. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Sloppy fifths?” Maru guessed. “I didn’t have sex with them, Tatsuya.”

Ueda snorted. “And that makes it okay.”

“They came onto me,” Maru insisted. “I didn’t actively insinuate any of it. Except maybe Koki, but that doesn’t count because Taguchi was already -”

“I don’t need a play-by-play,” Ueda interrupted him. “I heard it all, remember? You wail like a goddamn banshee. Next time mind your volume when someone’s trying to sleep next to you, yeah?”

Maru felt his face burn, but he held his ground. “I won’t apologize for disturbing you just because you’re jealous.”

“ _I’m_ jealous,” Ueda scoffed.

“Jin’s not picky,” Maru continued. “You could have joined in.”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near Akanishi’s hormones,” Ueda said clearly.

Maru smirks. “But mine are okay?”

Ueda said nothing.

“Oi, Tatchan,” Maru said pointedly. “What’s your secret?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Ueda grumbled.

“Aren’t I your best friend?” Maru pressed.

“Some days,” Ueda replied vaguely.

Maru sat up and leaned forward until he felt Ueda’s breath on his face. “Tell me.”

“It won’t mean anything to you.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“Yuichi -”

“ _Tell me_ or I’m going to sleep in another tent.”

Ueda blinked. “Go ahead.”

“You don’t really want me to leave.”

“Now you’re telling me what I want?”

“Somebody has to, Tatchan, because you’re not admitting it to yourself.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are -”

Ueda was cut off not by Maru’s words, but by Maru’s mouth. Maru’s hand slid up the back of Ueda’s neck into his hair as he pressed their lips together, feeling Ueda’s thick lips against his as Ueda tensed completely before tentatively kissing back.

“Trying to bat a thousand?” Ueda mumbled.

“If you would pull your cynical head out of your ass,” Maru whispered back, “you’d see that I’m actually trying for this one. Read between the lines, yeah?”

“Yucchi,” Ueda breathed, his body relaxing in Maru’s embrace as they fell back onto Ueda’s sleeping bag. “Leave the sweet talk to those who can pull it off.”

A retort was on the tip of Maru’s tongue, but he felt that it would be of much better use in Ueda’s mouth, where their argument turned from verbal to physical and Maru was the self-declared winner when Ueda groaned deep enough to vibrate them both.

Outside, Jin shook his head and gaped incredulously at Kame. “I don’t get it.”

Junno grinned, looking even scarier with the fire roaring in front of his face. “It’s always the ones you’d least suspect, Akanishi-kun.”

Koki snoozed in his lawn chair and therefore had nothing to say on the subject.

At the look of absolute confusion on Jin’s face, Kame sighed and took pity on him. “Trade me tents, Koki-kun.”

Koki snored in agreement.

~*~*~*~

Maru was sleeping soundly on his Ueda-pillow when a loud screech woke up everyone in a ten-mile radius.

“DON’T EAT ME!”

Ueda whined and covered his ears.

Curious, Maru detached his limbs and poked his head out of the tent, where he saw Koki running around the fire pit in his underwear, eyes bulged and breath panting.

Junno’s sleepy face appeared in their tent, grin in place. “I wasn’t trying to _eat_ you, Koki-kun!”

Laughter sounded from Jin and Kame’s tent. “I think Koki has a complex,” said Jin’s gruff morning voice.

“I wasn’t even supposed to share a tent with him!” Koki screamed. “If he ate me, you’d feel really bad!”

Kame’s head appeared in the corner of the flap, his hair in twenty different directions and neither of his eyes fully open. “ _Clearly_ he did not eat you. Shut the hell up and go back to sleep.”

“Yeah, come back to bed,” said Junno sweetly.

Koki wrinkled his nose and turned to Maru. “Yuichi?”

Before Maru could answer, Ueda tugged him back down and made it very clear that he definitely does not share.

~*~*~*~

“You mean to tell me,” some mid-level executive in a suit was saying, “that out of two entire days, you have _twenty_ minutes of usable material?”

“That’s right,” replied Junno, who had been declared the designated asshole to break the bad news due to his pristine reputation and addictive smile.

The exec blinked. “Twenty minutes.”

Junno nodded.

The closed film canister was held up and scrutinized, like the old man would see the lies from its aura. “Well, I guess it can’t be helped,” he finally said. “KAT-TUN can’t be expected to do anything together.”

In the back of the room, Maru held back his snort. Little did that guy know.

“We certainly won’t be asking you to do these kinds of specials again.”

“Oh, doesn’t that just suck,” said Jin under his breath, and Kame chuckled voicelessly.

The exec turned to Ueda. “As leader, I’m holding you fully responsible.”

“‘Kay,” said Ueda carelessly. “May we go now?”

“You might do well to observe your senpai,” the man went on. “NewS did a special where they stayed on an island and had almost the entire two days’ worth of film.”

“We’re not NewS,” Koki pointed out.

“Yeah,” agreed Maru, trying to keep a straight face. “We have no member love.”

“None,” reiterated Kame.

“I hate these guys,” added Ueda. “ _Especially_ Nakamaru.”

Maru flipped him off.

Jin said nothing and whipped out his phone, no doubt texting Yamapi with dirty senpai jokes.

After they were dismissed, they waited until they were a respectable distance away from the building before exploding into laughter.

“You hate me, huh?” Maru teased Ueda, bumping into his shoulder with every step. “That’s not what you said last night.”

Kame leaned on Maru’s shoulder. “We don’t need member love when we have Nakamaru.”

Ueda glared, but he couldn’t argue.

> Omake

“So how was Nakamaru-kun’s camping trip?” Massu asked excited through a mouthful of gyoza. “I heard you didn’t have much to use for the show. That must mean it went really well!”

Maru chuckled, regarding his innocent best friend with the wide eyes and bright grin. “It went very well,” he said honestly. “We had a lot of fun. Well, I guess I can’t speak for everybody, so _I_ had a lot of fun.”

“That’s all that matters,” Massu said. “Have you seen Yamashita-kun’s new hair?”

As the topic changed, Maru inwardly smiled at the comfortable friendship he had with Massu. He hadn’t been lying when he said that he didn’t have to keep secrets from him, but it was only because Massu never asked.

Unlike the other members of KAT-TUN, Massu let him keep his secrets.


End file.
